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[Jul. 7th, 2008|10:59 pm] |
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I need to revise the previous post where I described an anal encounter as an 'anal penetration situation,' or APS. It will now be referred to as an 'anal sex situation,' or ASS. |
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[Jul. 7th, 2008|03:21 pm] |
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[Jul. 5th, 2008|01:28 pm] |
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I've been doing a bunch of open mics lately, and the more material I write, the more I realize that a ton of my jokes revolve around sperm. It's a little disturbing and gross, and I spend time wondering what that might mean about me. After my last show, a guy came up to me and said that he thought all the sperm references probably mean that I'm gay. I know that's not true, though. It's not that I have a problem with gay people; it's just that I know I can't be gay. How do I know, you ask? Well, it's mainly that I don't have a very supple anus, which I imagine is a requirement to be gay. Also, I tend to clench when I'm nervous or excited, and I think that could cause some problems. For example, imagine I'm in and anal penetration situation (or 'APS' as I like to call them) and an alarm goes off or a squirrel runs by. I'd probably jump and then clench down real hard. That's an emergency room trip no one wants to make. |
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[May. 15th, 2008|08:30 pm] |
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Can anybody suggest any reputable, inexpensive computer hardware retailers? I'm thinking about picking up some RAM and a video card. |
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[May. 4th, 2008|08:53 pm] |
I think people are generally pretty stupid.
And by 'people,' I mean 'MBTA employees.'
And by 'are generally pretty stupid,' I mean 'deserve to be stabbed in the face.'
In front of their children and/or mothers.
I'm just kidding.
MBTA employees aren't people.
They're subhumans.
That's why we keep them underground. |
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[Apr. 25th, 2008|12:00 pm] |
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When do you think a mother should stop breastfeeding her child? I only ask because it's become a huge hassle for me to get all the way to my Mom's work whenever I get hungry. |
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[Apr. 7th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
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April 7th. Still haven't done my taxes. Fuck. |
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| Great song. |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|11:39 pm] |
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[Mar. 26th, 2008|09:34 pm] |
So I put together a myspace comedy site with a video of my first performance. Here's the video:
Comments are welcome.
http://www.myspace.com/jim_mcquaid |
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[Mar. 8th, 2008|12:58 pm] |
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I have an irrational fear of automatic staplers. |
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